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Single life

Forever alone? Here’s the way to change it.

Not every single person is happy. But many of them stand on their own way.

Single life does not have to be a permanent condition

Most people yearn for love - and yet there many who repeatedly fail in their relationships and go as permanent singles through life. They want closeness, but if it is there, it's too much. The psychotherapist “Stefanie Steel” has addressed this phenomenon in her book " Jein” (Yes and no) and has dealt with bonding fears and their causes.

In four chapters she describes the emotional ups and downs of people who suffer from commitment issues. It is important to recognize the fear of commitment as a "real” fear - and to investigate its roots.


It is characteristic of people with fear of commitment that the desire for a partnership does not overcome the fear of failure in the relationship. In almost all commitment fearers, low self -esteem is to blame for their misery - the fear of not satisfying their partner and then be left alone again.

People with low self -esteem cannot tolerate rejection and are easily hurt or offended. The fact that they cannot imagine that someone could love them as they are, changes them in the relationship until they finally lose themselves. This then leads to the fact that they either begin to cling and to project or flee from the relationship – and so it repeats.

Avoiding strategies

Quite often it occurs that people who suffer from commitment issues have developed avoidance strategies, which suggest that the root of their lack of a relationship lies elsewhere – and has nothing to do with them. Then they prioritize work which means there is simply no time to meet someone, or they always fall in love with the "wrong” people, which "unfortunately" are already married or live far away.
Also the many compromises that you would have to make in a relationship prevent such people from getting involved.

However all of these are just excuses that serve to hide the real problem. In fact, the job is ideal to meet a partner. And should there be no chance to find any potential candidate, it can be done from the couch through an online dating service.

Questioning yourself.

The only way to break the cycle is to be honest and face the facts, recognizing that the fear to commit and to bond is directly linked to the fear of failing. Admitting that one's self-esteem needs a little care and support is of course not easy.
Often this lack of self-love is also associated with a large urge for confirmation. The ironic thing is that with confirmation or recognition the ego is satisfied – but then it looks for new challenges. So if he falls in love her or if she was in bed with him, the interest is lost and a new Date must be found.

The goal should be self-acceptance - to love oneself and accept oneself with all flaws and weaknesses. Whether alone or with the help of therapy, it all depends on the introspection ability.


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